Mediacom can blow me...
So I get my act together enough to call Mediacom (the hated local cable outfit) to add HDTV service to my subscription on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Lucky for me, they had an appointment available the following Wednesday evening at a time when I'd be home from work. Great. The biggest disappointment to me was the completely spurious responses I got from the customer service rep on the other end of the line.
"How might I become eligible to view the BBC America channel?" I asked.
"Well, that's part of our Special Interest service which includes the BBC America, Sundance channel, and various other channels there's no chance in hell you'd ever watch. It's an extra $10, but with the extra cable boxes and DVR, you could get a year of free equipment rentals and some thing banana elf cookie miracle dynamo" came the reply.
"Uh, yeah, OK forget it. Just give me the HDTV channels." wearily, I did respond.
"OK, then, did you need the optimal sugar baby field varmint shackle flame spuckle? With the subscription you have, you can get it for a year without having to argle fleep a nugget pickle." she responded
"Uh. Can I just get HDTV on my big TV?"
"Sure. I'll add that to your service. Our technician will be there Wednesday to install the DVR and get you up and running..." she calmly explained.
"Great, thanks." I closed.
"Would you like to answer a short survey after the call is over?" she asked.
"Not exactly...goodbye." I closed again.
So, I basically resigned myself to whatever the guy would bring out (A Motorola HD DVR of some kind) and the service she signed me up for. Wednesday came and I was present for the cable installer who arrived toward the very end of the two hour service window I was given. He dropped the DVR into place and informed me of a very interesting addition to my service that I could get called the HDTV package. I countered, firm in the knowledge that I had this well in hand, that I had already ordered that service.
"No you didn't." was his well-intentioned response. "But I can get it added when I call in to activate the DVR."
"Sweet, thanks." I gamely returned.
The guy was nice enough to supply me with his last optical audio cable which we hooked up to my receiver. He kicked off a remote download session and was able to add the HD package to my service. In 45 minutes, I was told, I'd be sitting in HDTV heaven, staring at Bravo HD Theater on 112" of LCD goodness. (Cue the
sotto voce whispers and chuckling from other Mediacom customers)
Not so fast. 45 minutes later, the DVR box stood at a normal service prompt as if it was ready to present me with the wonders of Highly Defined entertainment. It was true, in all fairness, that some HD channels were, in fact, coming through. They were, of course, the ones that come with no upgrade to the cable service. The channels I was supposed to get over and above the normal HD channels were all presented as "One moment please. This channel will be available soon!" and I stand as proof that the statement is a bald-faced lie. The channel will not be available soon, nor will it be available after 5 days. I know this because 5 days later I still had no signal on those channels.
Sunday morning, I called the fabled Mediacom customer service number and ordered a "hit" (which sounds ominous and, presently, quite appealing) on my cable box/DVR. This was supposed to reset the unit and fix my problems. I spoke to a CSR anyway, just to ensure that I had, in fact, been added to the HD package service. She also submitted a "Hit" on my DVR box. Within 30 minutes, I was told, this should resolve the problem. "How about the customer service survey, sir?" "No, thanks..."
30 minutes later, and I probably don't need to mention this but, the problem was still present. I called into the service center again and spoke with another rep who said that the "One moment please" message indicates a more serious problem which requires a technician on-site. Great. When?
"How about next Saturday Morning?"
"That's the best you've got?"
"Well, there's a slot on Wednesday, just after noon."
"Forget it, I'll take Saturday."
"Don't forget to call us when the service is fixed and we'll credit you for a week of outage..."
"I have to call YOU?"
"Yes. That way we can credit you."
"Fine. Thanks. Bye."
"Short survey?"
"Blow me."
"What's that?"
"I said, thanks, I'll pass on the survey because I'm in a hurry today"
"OK, sir. Thank you for [submitting yourself to the indignity of] selecting Mediacom Cable!"
It would be relevant, at this time, to point out that there is no selection of cable providers in Chanhassen. It's either MediaCom or you have to play charades in the parlor after dinner. Two words! Sounds like! Pluck Yew!
So, Saturday it is...
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